OBAMA FOR MAYOR OF VAUGHAN
by Angelo Persichilli
THE HILL TIMES

The majority of Canadians have celebrated Barack Obama's victory as the first black president of the United States. I am very happy about Obama's win, but I asked many politicians why in the American melting pot a black politician can become the president of United States while in Canada, the country of multiculturalism, and we can't even elect a black mayor of Toronto.

Since I wasn't able to get an answer from anybody, in fact the reaction I had was another question, ("Yeah, it's a very interesting question. Why?"), I wrote this fictional, satirical and, of course, exclusive interview with "Mr. Canadian Multiculturalism" himself.

Mr. Multiculturalism, all Canadians have rejoiced after Obama's historical victory, however, do you believe that he could be elected Prime Minister of Canada?

"It would be fantastic but he doesn't speak French."

All right, never mind the Prime Minister: would any Canadian party elect him, a black, pardon, a "visible minority" candidate, as their leader?

"Of course, this is my country—the country of multiculturalism, the country that celebrates differences and allows all immigrants to sing and dance to their own music and speak their own languages. But you know, there are many elements to evaluate. For example would he be considered from the East or the West, anglophone or francophone? You know, we have our own traditions, the alternating process, a proper 'ethnic' representation and—"

Okay, okay, it's too complicated; but does this mean that he could never be Prime Minister of Canada?
"Look, I don't understand what the fuss about the first black person at the White House is. There are many other countries with a black person as a head of State. Kenya, Somalia, Uganda, Nigeria, just to mention a few."

But sir, he is the first Afro-American becoming the head of state of the most powerful country in the world!
"I'd say it's about time. Okay, he is the first black president of the United States, so what?! We have Michaëlle Jean. Can you imagine it? We have something that the Americans can only dream of. Our head of state is a combination of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. And all of this thanks to me, Mr. Multiculturalism. We have a woman and a black person as head of state long before the Americans. And do you know why? They have the melting pot."

You are right sir, but you didn't answer my question: can Obama be Prime Minister of Canada?
"That's a surreptitious question I've already answered."

Sorry sir, I didn't pay attention. However, do you believe that he can at least be mayor of Toronto?
"Of course he can. But we have to be very careful here too. Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world and we must be respectful of all cultures avoiding any special preference for any ethnic group; we shouldn't do anything to jeopardize the cultural balance."

But we had Mel Lastman. "You are right, but Lastman is also the last one."
So Obama can't even be mayor in Canada. "I didn't say that; don't put words in my mouth. I've said he can't be mayor of Toronto, but he can be mayor in other and more important cities."

More important than Toronto?
"Vaughan! Isn't it the city above Toronto?"

Right, but there is a problem: the population there is mainly Eyetalians.
"Exactly, electing a black mayor we would accomplish two things: first, give a message of openness; second, we would also avoid electing another—never mind."

Yeah, never mind Mr. Multiculturalism. You are smart. In the meantime, what do you recommend to do in order to elect Obama as mayor of the city above Toronto?
"First, get the list of all picnics scheduled for next year in Woodbridge, then create a committee with Giovanni and Pasquale in charge of organizing a series of wine and cheese parties in some of those banquet halls north of the Steeles Avenue then create a series of awards to be given out next year to the volunteer of the month and to the winners of the famous international Vaughan bocce tournament."

But sir, there is no such tournament.
"So what, you still have the city and the bocces. You need to be creative."

It's fantastic Mr. Multiculturalism, you're a genius. But that's next year. What are we going to do in the meantime?
"Well, practise. Repeat after me: Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama."