The canine debate between Peter
MacKay and Belinda Stronach has given to all Canadians one clear
message: politicians in general and Liberals and Conservatives in
particular don't like dogs.
Ok, we can safely assume that dogs don't read newspapers. However, let's
pretend for a moment that they do (in fact, in some movies they do!),
can we imagine their reaction when, in
the morning, on the leash safely in the hand of their masters, Fido and
Fifi pass by the boxes showing the
various front pages of the newspapers?
Fido: "Why does
Peter want to involve us in the
dispute between he and Belinda?"
Fifi: "Yeah, its unfair. However, still we don’t know if the dog Peter
was talking about was male of female.”
Fido: “It’s not clear yet. I read on The Globe and Mail that it
will the ascertained at Committee level. However, this is beside the
point. What offends me the most is that he is using us to offend his
'former'. Are we that bad? The Conservatives have no respect for the
animals, and dogs
in particular."
Fido: "You are right. Where is the canine justice? Unfortunately we
can’t even expect help from the oppositions. They share the same feeling
about us.”
Fifi: "Worse then the Conservatives?"
Fido: "Yeah. Look at the NDP and the Liberals. They believe that
associating one of them with us is cause enough to fire the minister of
Foreign Affairs. Definitely they are very upset and they do not want to
be associated with us."
Fifi: "But look, Fido, I kind of understand them. They are only trying
to make the point that women are badly treated by the Conservatives. You
know, it's politics."
Fido: "No, I don't buy that, they can't be serious."
Fifi: "Why do
you say that?"
Fido: "I mean, look at the Liberals. They are going to elect a new
leader in December and, among the 9 candidates, there is only one woman.
And she is someone from the ‘outside’.
Is it possible that amongst the
women in the Liberal caucus nobody was good enough to be on the stage in
Montréal?"
Fifi: "Well, Fido, you should know that the rules are clear: the party
is open to all humans. Liberals are the party that created important
policy called Multi..something; it's democracy in action. It is also
written in the Liberal statute. I’ve read it on The Toronto Star,
so it has to be true. You should respect the democracy."
Fido: “You’re starting to talk like humans, shame on you, don't go that
low."
Fifi: "Sorry Fido, I apologize. So, why do you
think that there are no Liberal women MPs amongst the candidates?"
Fido: "Apology accepted. I don’t know. Either they have no skills or the
Liberal Party doesn't make it easy
for women."
Fifi: "But Fido, what I don't understand, is why they are upset at Peter
MacKay if it is the Liberal Party doesn't help them to run for the
leadership."
Fido: "It's easy Fifi. For political reasons they are trying to
embarrass the government of Stephen Harper with the female electorate.
They know they can embarrass MacKay for those remarks, and they keep
attacking him for denying them."
Fifi: "I might be a dog and politically stupid, but don't you think that
Peter could have easily got out of the trouble just saying, like I said
before: I'm sorry!"
Fido: "Well for us, the dogs, it
is very simple. But
Humans are not necessarily
smarter then us."
Fifi: "Well Fido, I'm very upset. The Prime Minister defends Peter and
the Liberals defend Belinda asking for an apology on her behalf."
Fido: "So, why are you upset?"
Fifi: "Because, I'm wondering, who is going to apologize to us!?"
Fido: "You are right, but it is not that easy. We need to have someone
in the House who stands up on our behalf."
Fifi: "That shouldn't be difficult. Everybody has a representative in
the Parliament. We need someone like Paul McCartney."
Fido: "No thank you. He’s got a lot in his plate right now. Look at the
accusations from his wife.”
Fifi: "I know, but he defends
animals, the seals. We
definitely need someone to defend us. Like for instance: the other day,
I stopped beside a tree on Sussex Dr. – just to do my business – when
all of sudden, the tree started screaming at me, telling me that he was
going to have a
representative of the Green
Party in the Parliament and things would change. So, where am I going to
pee after the next election? All other animals have more respect then
us. In Toronto they had a formal funeral for a police horse and the
major David Miller was there. Did you have see a funeral for a police
dog with the major of Toronto reading the eulogy?"
Fido: "Ok, you convinced me, you are right. But who should be our
leader? We need a human."
Fifi: "I have an idea. The only one that has been treated worse then us
by the Liberals, according to the Corriere Canadese, is Joe Volpe.
Furthermore, he is of Italian origin. An ethnic is always good to have
on hand and, there is another bonus for the CPC."
Fido: "What's CPC?"
Fifi: "Canine Party of Canada."
Fido: "And what's the bonus?"
Fifi: "Volpe in Italian means 'Fox'. He would be perfect for the Canine
Party."
Fido: "Fifi, you convinced me. Let's go ahead. Go on the Hill and talk
to the national media."
Fifi: "Me talking to the media? You're crazy. No, thanks, you go!”
Fido: “No, you go!”
Fifi: “No you go! Bau, bau. bau. bau..."
The Barking Period lasted for a while. Then Fido and Fifi did their
business close to the last tree available on the street. They finished
just in time before a loud and scary voice called their master from
inside their residence: “Bill, you are late, come inside!!”.
“Ok Paul, I’ll be right there”.
And all three of them, Fifi, Fido and Bill, disappeared into their
Stornaway residence.
