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|Monday February 23, 2004 |
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I had a dream: Chretien meets Martin
There are many things
I dream of reporting: me winning the 6/49 lottery, new Human Resources
Minister Joe Volpe keeping his answers, in Question Period inside the 30
second limit and Jean Chrétien having a friendly meeting with Paul Martin.
Leaving the first two out even of my wildest dreams, I have dwelled, using
my creativity, with the third one, a friendly meeting between Jean Chrétien
and Paul Martin.
Here's how I see it. Paul Martin lands at Toronto -airport for a one day
visit to the city. Before facing the crowd, the Prime Minister, as usual,
goes to the hotel to freshen up and to prepare his notes for the speech. He
checks in a the same time that Mr. Chrétien is leaving. There are no cameras
around, but they can’t avoid talking to each other.
Here is how I would
imagine the conversation between the two would unfold.
Martin, entering the lobby, sees
Jean Chrétien and, visibly concerned, asks: “Prime Minister. For God’s
sake., what are you doing at the Regal Constellation Hotel?”
Chrétien, surprised to see Martin, says. “Shit Paul. It's impossible
to have a private meeting in this hotel. Anyway, don't call me Prime
Minister, you're the one in charge now."
Martin: "Yeah, all right. However, let me be perfectly clear: I
wasn't here at the Constellation meeting."
Chrétien: “Of course you were. Don't you remember you running up and down
the elevator?”
Martin: "That was the Westin Hotel in Ottawa.”
Chrétien: “But you definitely sponsored it.”
Martin: “Mr. Prime Minister, please don't touch that subject. I was
never aware of any sponsorship.”
Chrétien: “I meant the meeting at the Constellation. And, call me Jean.”
Martin: “Okay Jean. But listen, you’ve got to believe me. I wasn't
there and, when I heard about it I was mad like hell.”
Chrétien: -Yeah Paul, I heard it from China.”
Martin: "When you were in China I was mad for a different reason.”
Chrétien: “Which other reason?”
Martin: “The sponsorship program, for God’s sake.”
Chrétien: -You said you do not want to talk about it."
Martin: "Prime Minister, what did you do to me?!"
Chrétien: 'What do you mean Paul? I did nothing.”
Martin: “I mean, why did you leave me in this mess?”
Chrétien: 'Which mess?”
Martin: “The Sheila Fraser report, for God’s sake. Why did you leave
that file for me? You know I had nothing to do with it.”
Chrétien: "I offered to handle it. You refused my help.”
Martin: “Com’on. It’s not true. When the hell did you ever offer to
help me?”
Chrétien: “In Chicoutimi, in the summer 2002.”
Martin: -I don't remember. What… What did ' you say?”
Chrétien: “I asked to leave on February 2004.”
Martin: “Shit, it’s true.”
Chrétien: "Yes, but some of your boys didn't agree, they were too eager to
get to the top.”
Martin: “I had no control over them. You know that.”
Chrétien: “Com’on Paul. They all were supporting you.”
Martin: Yeah, but I believe in the democracy, more freedom to the
MPs. I wanted to address the democratic deficit.”
Chrétien: “Maybe you don't believe me Paul, I believe in democracy too. I
gave a lot of freedom to my boys. I didn’t have to know everything they were
doing.”
Martin: However, you've got to help me to solve the problem.”
Chrétien: "Which problem ?"
Martin:
« This… sponsor…shit."
Chrétien: “Oh Dat?! Paul, what do you think I did in the last two years?”
Martin: "What do you mean?"
Chrétien: “I mean, dat it is an old problem. You transformed an old problem
into a juggernaut. With your statements you are feeding the monster. I dealt
with it already two years ago. We were waiting for the new report, another
shuffle, a few other editorials, you know how it works. Then a convention, a
new leader, a new Prime Minister and that’s it. Paul, you didn't listen to
me.”
Martin: "Yeah. Chicoutime.”
Chrétien: 'Yeah, Chicoutimi. Now I've got to go Paul.”
Martin: “Are you going to the Pearson?"
Chrétien: "And then landing at Trudeau’s in Montreal? Oh no. I’ll take Via
Rail. By the way Paul, call you name an important airport after me?"
Martin: "They're all taken. And Vancouver is mine. But I can rename
our national air carrier after tyu.”
Chrétien: “Thank’s Paul. Are you going to call Air Canada ChrétienAir?”
Martin: “No. I have a better idea: BombardAir.”
Chrétien: 'Id better go. Paul.”
Martin: "If you are not flying, are driving back to Montreal?"
Chrétien: "No. I told you. I take the train."
Martin: "It takes too much time.”
Chrétien:: “Paul, listen to me. Try VIA Rail, you will find a better
connection.”
Martin: “That’s an idea, Mr. Prime Minister. Goodbye.”
Chrétien: “Bye Paul. By the way, call me Jean. I’m not the Prime Minister
anymore.” |
